Shopping!

[Yoshi]

Ive just been and done the family shopping for the first time in a very very long time! 

First off i didnt realise Tesco on a saturday afternoon was akin to a demolition derby!  Even in the discovery people were still taking their lives in their hands and trying to dive in front of me for a space!!!!

Secondly i didnt quite realise how expensive everything was these days!

But now i am jobless again i will be doing this more frequently and thus will learn the rules of the saturday shop!

[V8MoneyPit]

If it's a 24hr shop, best to go in after midnight. It's a lot calmer  :D

[Yoshi]

I know, thats when i used to do it myself, but i was given my orders for today and so complied like a good boy 

Although i did spend more than she normally does so was told off for that!

[carbore]

Modern rules of shoppping

A. Take as many members of your family as possible
B. Allways have a converstation with someone in the middle of the isle and become def to all around you
C. Dont make a list, just use your mobile all the way around the store
D. Poor? just feed you kids on coke and crisps, vegetables are hard work!
E. Poor? spend all the money you save on those 75 coupons on buying at least six DVDs every week
F. Fat, one look in your trolley tells me its NOT "your glands"
G. Dont simply say "excuse me" just stand behind someone (Point b) and tut.
H. Why waste time walking in the car park when you can just drive round till a space by the shop is free (disabled ones are best!)
I. Dont know how to park, pick the biggest car possible, you might just get some of it between the white lines
J. Old, got nothing to do all week, go shopping at 11:00 Saturday morining and get in the way as much as possible
K. Cant see what you need, park you trolley at 90deg to the shelf and blank out the world.

More to follow im sure......

[Yoshi]

Alot of them did apply today!  I wanted to park in the blue badge bays (i have a blue badge) and there was 3 out of the 5 bays without blue badges in em??

[thermidorthelobster]

I take great pride in parking in the furthest, most remote corner of the car park and then walking.  Invariably I get to the shop door some considerable time before all the people who followed me in and spent the next ten minutes trying to get a space as close to the shop as possible.  God forbid they may have to actually walk somewhere.

Actually the above isn't strictly accurate;  most of the time I don't go near the places.

[ade666]

i'm with with you thermindor. but i always find that some one has come and parked right next to me even if the rest of the car park is empty. also don't do your xmas food shopping in your local 24 hr supermarket at midnight going into xmas eve. we did last year, it was bedlam

[gnasha]

Modern rules of shoppping

A. Take as many members of your family as possible
B. Allways have a converstation with someone in the middle of the isle and become def to all around you
C. Dont make a list, just use your mobile all the way around the store
D. Poor? just feed you kids on coke and crisps, vegetables are hard work!
E. Poor? spend all the money you save on those 75 coupons on buying at least six DVDs every week
F. Fat, one look in your trolley tells me its NOT "your glands"
G. Dont simply say "excuse me" just stand behind someone (Point b) and tut.
H. Why waste time walking in the car park when you can just drive round till a space by the shop is free (disabled ones are best!)
I. Dont know how to park, pick the biggest car possible, you might just get some of it between the white lines
J. Old, got nothing to do all week, go shopping at 11:00 Saturday morining and get in the way as much as possible
K. Cant see what you need, park you trolley at 90deg to the shelf and blank out the world.


More to follow im sure......

You forgot to add feed the kids as you go round as so not to pay for that days dinner "seen this alot"
And watch the shelf stackers play football with what ever falls out of the cage as they take them to the shelfs
i see this happen in kettering the other week stoped the lads that were doing it telling them i wanted there name so i could put a complaint in they just shouted f*** off tesco wont sack us they short of staff went to the main desk spoke to a manager described who it was and she said o yer i no who you meen they are allways leaking about and she will sort it we see them the next week and they stuck there fingers up and said we told you and kicked some jaffa cakes across the floor

[Disco Matt]

Generally the approach here seems to be:

If you're not all present and correct between the ears, visit the supermarket during the busiest times

Retired? Doddery? Clueless? Go on Saturday morning as you always have done. Never mind the fact that you could go at any time during the week and enjoy a quieter shop, your mission is to cause mayhem

The smaller the car, the harder it is to park. A Corsa takes at least four attempts, at the end of which you should leave it skewed across the space

Parking cannot be done slowly and smoothly. You must: Rev like mad, proceed in short jerks, and be completely unable to use your mirrors when reversing. Bonus points for parking on top of another car and then watching gormlessly as the occupants try to crawl back into their properly parked vehicle through the tiny gap

If someone does not move, use your horn. They're clearly only stopping there to annoy you, the car in front of them is a mirage

Looking for a space? Why not stop directly behind the vehicle with reversing lights on? They clearly don't plan to leave a space that you could then use

Don't go to Aldi. Well, unless it's to move very slowly around the store, showing a pursed-lipped expression and upturned nose at all the "foreign food". Bonus points if you can hold people who really don't mind multilingual packaging up

[T30CDB]

If it's a 24hr shop, best to go in after midnight. It's a lot calmer  :D

We have in Coventry what is/was the largest Tesco 24 in the country and if you are stupid enough to go shopping after 11 at night you have no chance of completing your shopping in under an hour/two cause every isle has a line of the big wheeled crate things down the middle while one person has the job of restocking the entire isle. Better off going during the day if your lucky enough to work near one

[carbore]

More rules

1. Left a shop, not sure where you are going next, why not stand in the doorway, dont worry about those people behind you.....
2. Busy mum, got 3 kids, under 5, why not take a small dog with you as well.
3. Warning, its polite to look in one direction and walk in the other, although randomly changing direction is best
4. Cant see what you want on the shelf, why not step backwards accross the isle with no warning.
5. Out with friends, why not walk 3 steps, talk, walk three steps, talk, walk 3 steps, talk.
6. In a couple, in love, dont EVER let go of their hand or walk behind them, everyone else can just walk in the road.
7. Got a huger winnebago camper, why not take it christmas shopping.

[MudRat]

[/quote] I like it when people parks in the parents spot and they dont have any kids so i just block them in and lock my doors and the look on their faces and they ask you to move and the answer is no and you ask them where is there kids as they and they are parked in a space for people who has kids under five [/quote]

I always go shopping with my Mum in the car, I can park in those spaces, as i am her child, No age range specified!! (i am 34!!)

[merlin617]

I always try and park next to another Land Rover. I find it adds to the spirit of adventure before you strike off on foot to tackle the extreme conditions found in the fresh veg isle 8-[

[V8MoneyPit]

Just discovered the answer to all these problems......

The latest must have accessory is a week old baby. The hoards of shoppers part like the Red Sea to let you through. Apart from all the questions about his age, etc, it made the shopping experience a doddle  :lol:

I try to avoid the places normally and use local sources. But when I have to go, I shall make sure I take Oliver with me  :D

[Yoshi]

HHHHmmm and where would one acqiure one of these items??? lol

[V8MoneyPit]

HHHHmmm and where would one acqiure one of these items??? lol

Just about any African country according to certain celebrities  :lol:

Otherwise, sit down and let me explain......... You know birds and bees.......  :lol:

[Bettyblue22]

HHHHmmm and where would one acqiure one of these items??? lol

This one is easy................... just take the grandkids next time you go  :P :doh:

[discowoman]

HHHHmmm and where would one acqiure one of these items??? lol

find a local chav-ette, they probably have a few spares Wayne and Waynettas lying around - especially if the mother is over the age of 13

[Yoshi]

If the mother is over 13 round here then they call her grandma! lol

Think i might "borrow" one of the step grandchildren for when i go shopping, will take the youngest as she doesnt speak/walk yet lol

And whats this about birds and bees??? 

[Range Rover Blues]

First off i didnt realise Tesco on a saturday afternoon was akin to a demolition derby!  Even in the discovery people were still taking their lives in their hands and trying to dive in front of me for a space!!!!

The scary thing is most of them forget the've put the trolley back and got into their car when it's time to leave.  I only go shopping in Blue on a weekend ;)

[Yoshi]

Well i did it again yesterday and it was of a much similar state!

The bit i am dreading now is that its coming up to christmas so its going to get even more joyful!

[hobbit]

I like it when people parks in the parents spot and they dont have any kids so i just block them in and lock my doors and the look on their faces and they ask you to move and the answer is no and you ask them where is there kids as they and they are parked in a space for people who has kids under five [/quote]

I always go shopping with my Mum in the car, I can park in those spaces, as i am her child, No age range specified!! (i am 34!!)
[/quote]

I have fun there, Father in 80's and wheelchair, so need wide space to get him into the chair
Me in 50's driving
One of the kids, the youngest of which is 19, normally they are lucky, my father wont travel in the disco

[Manicminer]

I send my wife shopping on her own on a Thursday.

I don't have to suffer the stress then ;)

[Yoshi]

yeah i would do that meself, but the problem is the missus is working full time and i am currently not working, so i have to show willing!

i have also had to take a crash course from the 13 year old step daughter on how to cook dinner as well! lol

[V8MoneyPit]

yeah i would do that meself, but the problem is the missus is working full time and i am currently not working, so i have to show willing!

i have also had to take a crash course from the 13 year old step daughter on how to cook dinner as well! lol

 :clap: They'll make a 'modern man' out of you yet  :lol:

[Bishops Finger]

Don't mention Tesco internet shopping..... :twisted:

[Yoshi]

I tried that one, but she said i wasnt allowed to do that until i had done it the hard way a few times!

Although we are hopefully moving in a few weeks so then i will get it all delivered cos i will be setting up the new house!

[Disco Matt]

The only way I have found to deal with Christmas shopping (this has been proven to work for Cardiff and Chester, both of which are between 90 and 120mins away depending on how many Noddys you get stuck behind).

Get up early. You want to be out of the house at 0700hrs.

Drive straight there, you'll find the car parks pretty much empty.

Breakfast in a department store is tasty (decent fry-up) and cheap too. Plus you're now in the right place to buy some of the presents. Hit the shops just as they open.

If you get it right then you will be coming back to your car, bags in hand, just as the rest of the world is trying to get into the city and park. You then enjoy a peaceful drive back as everyone else is going the other way!