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whose made a total prat of themselves then lets have a laugh

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Evilgoat:
I got into a fight withe the Audi's traction control. Early morning and I was heading out to work, had just been raining. Was heded towards the big roundabout on the cliffs in Brighton as you come away from the Marine to Peacehaven. Nothing on the roundabout, no cars except behind me so I didnt slow, as I started to turn I felt the car backing off the power folleewed by an ESP light and ABS light on the dash. Thinking it was being over sensitive I stomped on the power to shut it up.

2 360 flat spins, halfway through the car gave up and the fuel cut-out kicked in and during this a load of traffic had apeared. Mercifully I missed everything but ended up facing the wrong way on a busy roundabout with the car sat there bleeping at me as if to say 'Told you so'.

Got to work and was told when I go home to watch out for the deisel spill on said roundabout
D'oh!

Few weeks later I almost got taken out by my store manager doing the same thing while I was in the car next to her.

Lord Shagg-Pyle:
When I was based at Great Yarmouth, I used to be crewed on nights with a very attractive WPC.
One night we got a call to a burglary in progress at the local 'Adult Interest and Art Film Emporium'.
As it was a short distance from the Nick to the afore mentioned 'Swedish Book Shop', we went for the sneaky quiet approach, which proved to be the best method, for as soon as we got there, we could hear the sound of a break in coming from the back of the shop.
My colleague started to climb the wall, but me being the everso gallant gent, offered so as to avoid any embarresment for the lady, who was wearing a skirt (stop it, you pervies!).
So without further ado, I braced myself against the wall, got a foothold, and took the strain. As I lifted myself up, there was an ominous splitting sound, and I felt a cool breeze drifting where I didn't necessarily want one. :roll:
My very attractive colleague then said "Nice red boxers Jon, I bet they match your face".  :oops:  
Not good!!! We did catch 'billy burglar' with his hands on some stolen 'goods', but it was rather embarresing going back into the Custody area, with my arse hanging out the back of my uniform trousers! Thank God the craze of 'Going Commando' hadn't hit yet.

Highlander1:
LSP  on the trouser note I had to answer a call to an elderly person one day who had not collected papers and milk from his door step for a couple of days I saw a window open one of these wee ones above the Hooooge ones at the front of the house me being a slim Jim in those days!!!!! I climbed up and got the crotch of me trousers caught on the wee window stay thingy that holds the window opening arm thingy.

I ripped the trousers from seam to seam  as I got wedged in the frame. Iwas left hanging by the crotch till the seam gave way and shredded me trousers from one knee to the other.

Oh how embarrassed I was when the Ambulance crew arrived to take the poor old soul to hospital.

I then got another call and declined to respond if another car could go.

The Inspector demanded I get to his office immediately to explain why I had said on the radio that I wasn't in full uniform so couldn't attend When Walked into his office with my shredded trousers.
 
He couldn't help but P**s himself laughing.

freelanderpx54:
When I was still married to the exwife I was shopping in Tescos with her and my daughter. Ex was looking for tights and daughter wanted to help asking what size? Ex said XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL which was met with a quizzical look off said daughter.

Ex then said 60" hips. As daughter was doing measurements at school and didn't understand inches asked how big 60" was. My somewhat flippant reply was add 2 inches and it is the same size as your mum.


Now for the best bit, in true childlike form, daughter announced to the whole shop "Mum, do you realise that you are nearly as wide as you are tall?"

I laughed so much I had tears streaming down my face. Needless to say I got more cold shoulder than I knew what to do with but it was worth it :)

ben_haynes:
Just a few small ones

when i first past my test i was nearing the end of a resoration on a landy, once it was done my dad got its MOT and TAX for me, i insured it, first day driving i took it for a long run so i could get used to it, got to a round about, forgetting it had no SERVO and no PAS had to swerve round a car and narrowly avoiding a HGV heading straight over the roundabout taking out 2 signs in the process (no damage)

same landy coming off A14 about a year after doing around 60 - 70 MPH pushed the brake pedal it hit the deck so i pumped it still nout had to runn straight over the junction and round a que of cars on the Fly over :oops:

had a Metro and took a nice gal to the local courting area and thought it was a bit crowded sowend a bit further down the lane, done what i needed to do, started car put it in gear pulled away only to find i was stuck, it had sunk to over half way up the wheels, had to get out and push :oops:

had disco, whilst doing some green laning i came out of one lane went down the road about a mile and the was a sharp right turn,slightly damp mud on tyres spun and slid on to grass at side of road put disco on 2 wheels clipped a stone wall and it put it back on four wheels

had a VW polo had a slow puncture (kept putting air in :lol: )  was fine when i started journey went about 3 miles came to a series of S bends, where tyre went down fully coming off rim spun me round and dug the rim in to the ground and flipped me on to my side had to push it back over and try getting the spare out (sub and amp bigger than the boot  :lol: )

My mate had a Moped we tuned up, he was showing off to a few gals up the street, then opened the gate to go into his garden, reved it up a bit slipped off the ped popped a wheelee and got it wedged between the house and the drain pipe  :lol:  :lol:

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