Mud-club
Chat & Social => The Bar - General Chat => Topic started by: V8MoneyPit on October 14, 2008, 17:37:08
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I heard a great quote the other night on't box......
Wars are good for teaching Americans geography!
So.....
Who's next?
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You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!
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Golf is a waste of a good walk
Winston Churchill
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"I was court martialled in my absence, found guilty in my absence, and sentenced to death in my absence...so I said they could shoot me in my absence!"
Brendan Behan
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Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes........... Because then you'll be a mile away, and you'll have his shoes.
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Never take advise from an expert ..
( X is an unknown quantity , spert is a drip under presure)
Uncle pete :lol:
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"I never forget a face, but in your case I'm happy to make an exception "
Groucho Marx
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"That which does not kill me merely delays the inevitable."
-- Despair Inc.
:?
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"when the going gets wierd, the wierd turn pro!" - Raoul Duke
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come here so i can smack you - anyone's parents
who in their right mint would willingly go to get a smacked bottom
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“This is worse than a divorce. I’ve lost half my net worth and I still have a wife,â€
said one shell-shocked share trader at the end of the worst day on the stock market for twenty years.
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Woman on Street: Sir, you are drunk; very, very drunk.
Winston Churchill: Madame, you are ugly; very, very ugly.
I shall be sober in the morning.
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Screw you guys!.........I'm going home!
Eric Cartman
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Churchill again
woman "if you were my husband id put poison in your tea"
Churchill "If you were my wife id drink it"
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This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.
Churchill ;)
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From Life on Mars... brilliant series :D
Gene Hunt. Your DCI. And it’s 1973. Almost dinner time. I’m having hoops.
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An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows.
Dwight D. Eisenhower
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My all time favourite though came from Billy Connolly
"The desire to be a politician should forbid you from EVER becoming one!!!"
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And a last one from Dwight
Any man who wants to be president is either an egomaniac or crazy.
Dwight D. Eisenhower :clap: :clap:
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Spam will be a thing of the past in two years' time.
Bill Gates - BBC News, Jan 24th, 2004
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I NEVER drink water..............have you seen what fish do in there!
W C Fields
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"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves
himself." -- Josh Billings
:grin:
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Somebody tell the fat lady she is on in 5...
(Jim Carey as The Riddler in Batman Forever)
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"Pain is only weakness leaving the body!" - Legion Etranger training sargent.
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No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as much as your
dog does." – :dance:
anonymous
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Murphy's laws of combat (http://www.murphys-laws.com/murphy/murphy-war.html)
Cant remember who said it, but ...."The bombs from a B52 are the most accurate in the world........they are guaranteed to hit the ground"
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'I'ts not rocking horse science'
My gaffa when he was trying to impress a big potential customer.......... he got covered in saliva covered particles of the customers dinner :lol: :lol:
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Taken from the film Predator and used by a British Lion on the Rugby pitch too
"Hey you're bleeding" .... to which the reply came, "I ain't got time to bleed!"
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Remember, when we pull the pin, Mr grenade is no longer our friend! :shock:
Not sure about the source, but sound advice :grin:
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"I speak in the name of the entire German people when I assure the world that we all share the honest wish to eliminate the enmity that brings far more costs than any possible benefits... It would be a wonderful thing for all of humanity if both peoples would renounce force against each other forever. The German people are ready to make such a pledge."
Adolf Hitler - 14th October 1933 :shock:
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"I live for this < :-#>" - Vin Diesl in xXx (action movie, not the other type)
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Oh < :-#>, RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dunno if its really one, but I bet a Bomb Disposal bod has said it at some point :doh:
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Oh < :-#>, RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dunno if its really one, but I bet a Bomb Disposal bod has said it at some point :doh:
Mate at cadets has on the back of a t-shirt worn under his "95's" (uniform)...
"Bomb Disposal Technician - If you see me running... keep up!"
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As printed on the back of several of my t-shirts:
"You die - we split your kit!"
A quote to live by - I don't wanna die underground!
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"I speak in the name of the entire German people when I assure the world that we all share the honest wish to eliminate the enmity that brings far more costs than any possible benefits... It would be a wonderful thing for all of humanity if both peoples would renounce force against each other forever. The German people are ready to make such a pledge."
Adolf Hitler - 14th October 1933 :shock:
I think you could quote just about anyone in politics throughout history and they later went totally against what they said. But maybe with not quite such an horrific result as that particlar one!
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I have numerous favourites:
1) "Work is the curse of the drinking classes": Oscar Wilde
2) "They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist........": General John Sedgewick at the the battle of Spotsylvania, American Civil War, after being warned about the abilities of Confederate snipers, and ignoring advice to keep down.
3) "However much you polish a turd, at the end of the day it is still a turd". Anon, but used frequently when politicians try to gloss over a bad event, or when senior Police officers come up with a brand new time saving idea. :roll:
4) "Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few."
Extract from speech by Churchill, 20 August 1940
As true today as it was then. The 'Few' today are all the Armed Forces.
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You can get much farther with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
Al Capone
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" HaHa" Nelson Muntz-The Simpsons
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"How do i look" says the wife
"well you put lipstick on a pig its still a pig" said i shortly before recieving a thick ear :lol:
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"Rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men"
Winston Spencer Churchill.
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"I quit, here's a month's notice in writing!" - wormster to his boss on Monday morning.
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Here's one for you to ponder from Martin Luther King......
"A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual doom. "
My question is....
Has the country he refers to changed in this respect? I think not.
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Remember, when we pull the pin, Mr grenade is no longer our friend! :shock:
Not sure about the source, but sound advice :grin:
It's from an American infantry training book. :roll:
"point this side towards enermy"
written on Claymore mines. :-.
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God Save the Queen (More of a song than a quote)!
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We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
Oscar Wilde.
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Woman on Street: Sir, you are drunk; very, very drunk.
Winston Churchill: Madame, you are ugly; very, very ugly.
I shall be sober in the morning.
Churchill again
woman "if you were my husband id put poison in your tea"
Churchill "If you were my wife id drink it"
Both quotes are of conversations in public between WS Churchill and Lady Astor, (Nancy Astor IIRC) an American and an fellow MP.
There are others......
Hard to believa man with such a quick wit suffered from very deep depression :-k
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Another from a yank infantry manual "when pin is pulled mr grenade is not your friend"
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We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
Oscar Wilde.
That line being in a pretenders song I was working and not entirely listening when it was on... I swear I misheard it as "we are all of us in the gutter, but some of us are looking for the stairs" presumably a more useful interpretation for the practically minded.
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smoke me a kipper i will be back for brackfast.
the easy route is always mined.
Your weapon is built by the lowest bidder.
If at first you don't succedd sky diving is not for you.
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Unknown wicket keeper: Freddy, Why are you so fat??
Freddy Flintoff: Because every time I **** your missus she gives me a biscuit!!!!
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Rather like,
Sometimes the Pigeon, Sometimes the statue.
I love the smell of Napalm in the morning,
And as im typing im watching Ace Venturer. When he leaves the bathroom soaking wet and says "do NOT go in there....... WHOAAAAAAA..........." Has me in stiches every time.
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All men are equel, just some are more equel than others.
How am I suppose to soar with eagles when I work with turkeys. Taken from various sources within the RAF.
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We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
Oscar Wilde.
That line being in a pretenders song I was working and not entirely listening when it was on... I swear I misheard it as "we are all of us in the gutter, but some of us are looking for the stairs" presumably a more useful interpretation for the practically minded.
Just Googled it....
We are all of us in the gutter,
but some of us are looking at the stars
from Message of Love by The Pretenders.
Not as funny as looking for the stairs though.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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We're here for a good time, Not a long time
If in doubt, Flat out
Colin Mcrae 1968-2008
Maximum attack- Ari vatenen IIRC
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"Any closer, and I'll be in back of you" - Graucho Marx
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The entire script of Monty Python and the Life of Brian....
Oh and The entire script of Predator.. :lol:
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If you can't take a joke you shouldn't have joined
Old RAF saying.
It's not a sin to be born in the gutter. But it is a terrible sin to want to stay there.
Sgt Harper in the tv series Sharpe.
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Your weapon is built by the lowest bidder.
Puts me in mind of one of NASAs finest (don't recal which one) when interviewed about becoming an astonaut. "when you reach the end of the countdown and realise you are sitting on top of 1 million tons of fuel in a rocket built by the lowest bidder"
Genious
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Id never join a (mud) club that would have me as a member. (Groucho Marks)
Never loose faith in the colour of the sky (Min Sauce cartoon in MBUK)
There is a mine field near here, most of them are inert some of them are.....um.......er..... ert. (some american thing like the a-team/mcguyver etc)
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Boss: "Are you going to tell me where you were on Friday?"
Me: "NO!"
Boss: "Are you going to tell me what you intend to do?"
Me: "Gimme a piece of paper and I'll give you Immediate Resignation NOW!"
Me: "Ok that's done I'll get me coat and GO!"
Boss: "Well I hope it all works out for you"
Me: "Uh Huh!" whilst thinking to mesel: It will now I've left this *************ole of a job.
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You don't know who is important to you until you actually lose them.
- Mahatma Gandhi
"If they can send one man to the moon why can't they send them all?"
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"If wheeling was easy, even guys with Jeeps would try it"
pirate 4x4
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"If in doubt, brew up"
Serious note, it also means to pause before diving in...
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qoute from the new italian job
'trust everyone its the devil inside them you dont trust'
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or jethro
'well what happened was'
or
'me an' densil'
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"The term shortcut implies a certain amount of risk or danger, otherwise it would simply be known as ...the way"
The Film Road trip as they approach an rickety bridge that they jump (a car over). I think thats superb!
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'Your about as edgy as a satsuma Howard'
Noel fielding (as Vince) in the mighty boosh
The Lord moves in mysterious ways. Sometimes he can come in at an angle, other times he'll hover or sweep. Sometimes can come up from up beneath, like a worm, or a mole...he's the Lord, it's his call how he chooses to manouver.' (Garth Marenghi)
'I ran the only way I knew how, by placing one foot in front of the other in quick succession'. (Garth Marenghi)
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Keith Floyd (tv cook) said on last saturdays ,Saturday cooks...
It dosn't matter what kind of 4x4 you have , only a hire car can go anywhere
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steerings a little lose- jim cary(ace ventura)
if its not working hit it with a hammer.....if the hammers not working its an electrical fault - the internet? i forget.....
you are free and that is why you are lost - franz kafka
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"Before you ask this next question, consider if it's worth losing sleep over, even if it is, ask yourself if it's worth losing teeth over"
me, this morning, I'm in a bad mood :(
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By way of a change, here's one of my least favourite quotations (http://www.directline.com)!
;)
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By way of a change, here's one of my least favourite quotations (http://www.directline.com)!
;)
:clap:
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"it's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses"
:afro:
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"it's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses"
:afro:
Blues Brothers. A Classic :clap:
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From my DI,
You think you have it hard, I've got to do the same march while listening to you lot whine!
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:-# ME the was clo...................
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A quote from my friend Vicky whilst watching a film she had seen before and we had not -
"Ooh he is gonna spontaneously combust, in a minute...." :shock: